Shatter
by Jate Tarris
Summary: The feelings for Izaya Shizuo has been trying to suppress finally erupt one night, in a violent way. When Shizuo finally comes to terms with his feelings, will Izaya except them after what Shizuo has done? ShizuoXIzaya
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Note:_

_My first ever fan fiction! _

_Written at 1 am in the morning, I'm so tired so if there are spelling or grammar errors I'm sorry._

_Song listened to whilst writing this: Alice by Hatsune Miku_

_I don't own Durarara! or any of the characters_

_ShizuoXIzaya _

_Don't like, Don't read_

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><p>A familiar scene played out in the busy streets of Ikebukuro. The scene was so familiar to the residents of the town that they didn't even bother to turn their heads and look anymore. Two men were running, one was running away while the other was chasing. A routine that they had been doing since high school. They soon found themselves running through the empty back streets, nothing could be heard but the sound of feet hitting the ground.<p>

It was all so familiar to the smaller man, turn this corner, dodge that piece of upturned pavement, climb over that fence. However, things weren't the same for the other man. Sure, everything may seem the same to the onlookers and to the other man, but they weren't. The other man had started to feel differently towards the smaller man lately, not that he'd ever admit it. He would continue to suppress his feelings, hide them under his rage and now empty threats.

He knew he could easily catch the other man if he wished but, the will just wasn't there anymore. He didn't want to pummel that face into the ground anymore or wipe his existence from the earth. It was easier for him to just let the smaller man get away so he wasn't put in a situation where he had to actually hit the man, when he couldn't even do it anymore. He would never let that stupid flea know he had a weakness, especially when that weakness was him.

He knew this could never change no matter how much he wanted it to. Ugh wait, why was he thinking like this? Suppress those disgusting thoughts and feelings. He turned the corner only to confronted with his worst nightmare. The stupid idiot was lying on the ground, having obviously fallen over. He knew he what he had to do, fulfill the role he had been given.

The smaller man turned his head around.

"Oh Shizu-chan! Haha looks like you finally caught up-"

He cut the man off when he picked him up by shirt and flung him up against the brick wall. He noted the way the man winced as his head hit the wall behind him. While the man tried to buy himself some time by rambling on about nothing in particular, he quickly removed the flick blade from his pocket. Maybe if he wasn't armed it would give him an excuse to not hit the man, he knew deep down that wouldn't have mattered to the old him.

Soon enough, the smaller man realized he wasn't going to get free by just talking and stuck his hand in his pocket for his knife. A look of panic suddenly came across his face, Shizuo knew why.

"Looking for this" he said as he held up the knife "I know better than to leave you armed"

"Haha Shizu-chan, looks like your learning"

The smaller man watched as the other man threw his beloved knife across the alleyway, he heard it land with a clank somewhere in the darkness. He could feel cold sweat start to run down his back as the panic set in, he was now completely at the mercy of this monster. He waited for what felt like a lifetime, waiting for pain to envelop his entire body as this monster destroyed him.

The blond man took a long breath, this was it the smaller man thought. He cringed as he waited for a fist to come smashing into his face but, nothing happened. He peeked up to see the other man staring at the ground. Confusion, why was he taking so long to hit him?

"Shizu-chan? Not that I'm not happy your not killing me yet, but what's wrong with you? Normally I'd be a bloody mess by now and-"

"Shut-up"

He was taken aback at those sudden words. He had heard them before, many times before actually, but this time they seemed different.

Shizuo knew he had to do something, he couldn't just keep Izaya suspended against this wall here forever. He knew he couldn't let him go it would be too suspicious, the smaller man would definitely know something was up not that he wasn't already starting to guess. He couldn't work up the courage to hurt the man, his stupid feelings were stopping him.

"Shizu-chan?"

Crimson stared deeply into mocha, trying desperately to work out what was going on. Something was wrong, Izaya knew that. He was annoyed that there was something going on with Shizuo that he didn't know about. He hated to be missing such an important piece of information that could possibly bring this monster down.

"I thought I told you to shut-up!" The blond man yelled.

"Just one question then, why aren't you hurting me?"

The dreaded question came from those beautiful lips. Shizuo would like to know the answer to that question too but, someone was being cruel in withholding the answer from him.

"Well?"

"Well what! You stupid piece of dirt! Your not even worth the time, I cant be bothered playing this stupid game with you anymore!"

Shizuo dropped Izaya back to the ground and turned to walk away. Izaya didn't want to admit it, but those words stung a bit.

"Where the hell do you think your going!" He screamed out after the blonde "What do you mean your sick of this game! You started it! You cant just quit halfway! Finnish what you started!"

Shizuo snapped, his mind went blank. The next thing he knew Izaya was lying on the ground screaming in pain. Horror.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading Chapter 1, reviews are greatly appreciated~<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Note:_

_I gave chapter 1 to a friend at school to read, she noticed that I write your instead of you're._

_Some one my age should really know that by now…_

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><p>Shizuo stood there for what felt like an eternity, watching the horror fold out in front of him. Frozen to the spot by fear, he couldn't move to even help the smaller man. Lightening cracked in the sky up above him, rain came pouring down. He could hear people laughing as they ran for cover out of the rain. None of them even realized what was happening in the alleyway behind them.<p>

The mans screaming had stopped, a while ago in fact. His small frame lay broken on the ground, a crumpled mess. Crimson eyes gazed at nothing in particular, his chest rose and fell with heavy broken breaths. Blood trickled out of his mouth, bruises already becoming apparent on his neck.

Shizuo collapsed to his knees and slammed his fist on the ground. His scream was covered by the sound of the heavy rain. He looked up to the sky, hoping the rain would just wash this all-away return everything to normal, of course it wouldn't. His eyes finally came to rest on Izaya, memories of what he had done flashed before him.

He remembered slamming a fist into Izaya's stomach, seeing him double over and fall to the ground. He straddled the smaller mans waist and wrapped his fingers around his slender throat. He remembered the terrified look in the mans eyes as he applied pressure and started to strangle him. Blood trickled out of his mouth from the previous blow. Hands clawed desperately at his, trying to release the grip.

He remembered how the hands started to become sluggish, not even really trying anymore. Until a blow from a cell phone hit Shizuo across the head. He let go of the mans throat, only hearing coughing and wheezing. He remembered looking at the demolished cell phone, a new type of rage filled him. He once again hoisted Izaya up against the wall, the other man still panting from the previous events. Before Izaya even had a chance to react, Shizuo drove his knee up into his.

Shizuo snapped back to reality, he couldn't be sure if it was rain running down his face or tears. He felt sick, disgusted by his actions. He had always thought his anger wouldn't control him, that he would control it. He didn't know if he could do it anymore, keep control of this monstrous strength. He was so blinded by his rage that he had almost killed Izaya. He shuddered at this thought.

Izaya's crimson eyes were now shut, the only clue that he was still alive was his chest rising and falling. Had he passed out? Shizuo crawled over to him and gave him a gentle nudge.

"Izaya?"

He realized how shaky and scared his voice sounded.

"Izaya? Are you okay?"

What a stupid question.

The smaller man gave no response, but Shizuo could feel his body shaking under his touch. He knew he had to move him somewhere out of the rain. If Izaya could survive what Shizuo had done to him, he wasn't going to let this man die of the flu.

He carefully slipped his arms under Izaya's legs and shoulders and lifted him up. Shizuo could feel that the smaller mans muscles tense as he lifted him. He carried him to the driest place he could find and set the man down. A pained groan escaped Izaya's mouth as his legs hit the ground.

Now that Izaya was in a sitting position, Shizuo noticed how weird Izaya's leg looked. He trailed his fingers down the informant's thigh, to his knee. Izaya's eyes snapped open as he felt Shizuo's fingers touch his knee. He doubled over and made an incoherent noise.

Shizuo cringed as the guilt hit him, Izaya wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be annoying and always have that stupid grin on his face. He shouldn't be semi-conscious with blood and bruises all over his neck. He placed Izaya back in his original sitting position and whispered something in his ear.

The informant closed his eyes again and slumped backwards against the wall. Shizuo had to get a better look at his knee. He started to look around for a piece of glass or anything that would cut open the material of Izaya's pants, when he remembered Izaya's knife.

Shizuo ran to the place he had thrown the knife and picked it up. He studied the knife for a while, how did Izaya open this again? He looked for a button or something that would make the knife open, but he couldn't find anything. Shizuo knew he had no time to muck around with a stupid knife that wouldn't open. He tried to remember how Izaya usually opened it, he must have seen it about a hundred times why was his memory failing him now?

Shizuo shook some of the water off of his hands to get a better grip on the knife, he would snap the base off if he had to. He gave his hand one powerful flick when the blade flew out.

"Of course…"

Shizuo ran back and placed the knife just above Izaya's knee. He realized how badly his hands were shaking as he tried to cut the material as gently as he could. Izaya whimpered as he felt the wet material being peeled off his leg. Shizuo's blood ran cold at the sight.

The man's knee was a complete mess, it was swollen and a deep purple colour. Shizuo quickly covered Izaya's knee back up. He didn't think he had kneed him that hard but, the evidence said other wise. He wrapped his arms around the informant and tried to keep him warm while he thought of a plan.

Shizuo knew he couldn't take Izaya to a normal hospital, he would be arrested on the spot. He could think of only one person who could fix this, Shinra. He pulled out his own mobile phone and sent a message to the underground doctor.

"I'm so sorry Izaya…"

Shizuo stood up, he knew he only had a few minutes before Celty arrived. He gave the man one last look before he turned and ran away into the night.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading chapter 2 &amp; reviews are love~<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: _

_I don't own Durarara! Or any of the characters that appear here~_

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><p>"D-do you hear that?"<p>

"Hear what?"

"T-that noise, like a siren"

"A siren? I don't hear any siren, stop being so paranoid"

Celty jumped as the couple in the movie were killed by a knife-wielding monster. She cuddled into Shinra's arm and faced away from the t.v screen, waiting for a sign that the scene was over. Shinra could feel her body shaking as she pressed herself against him, he smiled to himself, he had Celty just where he wanted her.

"Jeez Celty," He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder "Its only a movie, you don't need to get so scared"

"B-but Shinra," Celty typed "I-its so-"

She jumped again as more people were killed on the screen, Shinra almost couldn't suppress his joy. He started to slowly move his hand down Celty's arm, to her waist, to her-

"AHHHHHH"

Shinra screamed and flew off the couch as his phone vibrated on the table. He lay on the ground panting as Celty silently laughed at him.

"Celty~" He whined "Its not funny!"

He picked himself up off the ground and flung himself back down on the couch with a huff, annoyed at the phones sudden interruption. He quickly turned his attention back to the movie, hoping he could get Celty back in her previous position. Celty, however, wasn't interested in the movie anymore and she leaned forward to type into the laptop on the table.

"Aren't you going to check that?"

"No," Shinra replied "Its our night off, so lets enjoy it~"

He started to lean inwards towards Celty, leaning in a bit to close for her comfort. She quickly reached forward and shoved the phone in his face.

"I think you should read it"

"Celty~ you're so mean~ don't you know what it means to take a night off!"

Despite all of his whining, Shinra opened the phone.

"Oh! Its from Shizuo" He chimed

As he opened the message, the smile on his face quickly vanished.

"Celty"

"What?" She asked, concerned about the sudden mood change in Shinra.

"I think you need to go, immediately"

He passed her the phone and she read the message. Just two words and an address made her whole body freeze with fear.

Help me

She jumped up off the couch and ran out the front door. Shinra sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he heard her motorcycle ride off into the darkness.

"So much for a night off…"

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><p>Shizuo's lungs hurt, his head was spinning, the coldness of the rain numbed his whole body as he ran. He didn't know how long he had been running for, but no matter how much he wanted to stop he just couldn't bring himself to. Suddenly he felt his feet get tangled in something, he came crashing to the ground. He looked back over his shoulder to see and abandoned skipping rope entwined around his legs.<p>

Rage once again filled Shizuo as he snapped the skipping rope in half and threw it away in a random direction. He sat up and inspected his surroundings, he was in the city's park. The park was abandoned and Shizuo was grateful for this. He flopped back down on the ground again and closed his eyes, letting the rain wash over him. Hoping it would wash away all of his thoughts…

He couldn't get the images of Izaya's broken body out of his mind, his screams still echoing in his ears. Shizuo covered his ears and groaned.

"Are you okay Shizuo?"

Shizuo's eyes snapped open as he heard the questioning voice. A figure looked down at him holding an umbrella, it was Kadota. Shizuo merely stared back with a blank expression on his face, concern on the other mans face.

"Shizuo?"

He came to his senses as he heard name being called a second time. Shizuo got up from the ground and tried to think of an excuse for his strange behaviour.

"K-Kadota! Y-yeh I'm fine, I just fell over and umm, hit my head…"

Even Shizuo could tell how bad his lie was, he just wanted Kadota to leave as quickly as possible. He didn't know why, but he felt nervous, almost as if he was waiting for Kadota to yell at him and call him a monster for his earlier actions.

"Oh, I see"

Both men stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, Shizuo avoiding eye contact while the other kept on staring right at him.

"Well ummm, I guess I should be going now…"

Shizuo turned around and started to leave before a hand gripped his shoulder and stopped him.

"Shizuo, we have been parked over there for about a half an hour," Kadota said as he pointed to a space out on the road where a van was parked, "and you have been lying here the entire time"

"I-I, ummm, I-I guess I hit my head harder than I expected"

"You didn't even hit your head Shizuo"

Shizuo started to panic as those brown orbs that showed no emotion in particular stared right into his own eyes. Then, emotion flicked into them.

"Shizuo! Is that blood!"

The blonde looked down to find a red patch on the shoulder of his white shirt, right where Izaya's head had been resting. Shizuo's flight response kicked in as he spun around and ran, leaving the stunned man behind him.

"Shizuo! Wait!"

A hand was placed on Kadota's shoulder and he spun around to find Erika standing behind him, an innocent smile on her features.

"Shizu-chans long gone~" She said in a happy tone

"I can see that" He replied, slightly annoyed at her cheerfulness "Still, I wonder what the blood was all about…"

"Maybe Shizu-chans a vampire! And he bit Izaya so they can spend all of eternity together!" She practically squealed, her inner fangirl kicking in.

Kadota scoffed

"If that's true then I'll let you dress me up in one of your stupid costumes"

"You're on~" Erika said playfully as the two turned to walk back to the van they had come from.

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><p><em>AN: _

_I have a quick question, am I supposed to respond to reviews?_

_If I am I am so sorry! I'm only new here so, I'm not too sure how it works~_

_As always thanks for reading and Reviews are much loved._


	4. Chapter 4

A/N

_I don't own Durarara! Or any of the characters that appear here_

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><p>Shizuo slammed shut the door to his apartment and lent back, panting. He let his tired body slide down the door until he came to a stop. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them, sighing.<p>

Why should he feel guilty by his actions? After all wasn't this what he had always wanted? He hated Izaya, always had and always will. He should be happy that stupid flea is badly injured, after all he had it coming to him right? In fact, Shizuo should be upset that he didn't finish the job. He would finally be able to tell everyone he had gotten rid of Izaya for good.

But, he didn't want any of that. He wanted to see Izaya's smile everyday, even if it was smug. He wanted to hear Izaya's voice, even if he was only yelling insults. He wanted to hold Izaya in his arms, even if the act came across as violent. He just wanted Izaya to be his, even though he had blown that chance.

Shizuo came back to reality when he started to hear the sound of someone crying, only then realizing it was himself. He let his body overflow with emotions he had been suppressing for years, tears streaming down his face as he came to terms with everything.

So what if he did love Izaya?

Shizuo started to laugh as he let these thoughts enter his mind, thoughts he had buried under his rage for years.

"Haha… I-I love Izaya"

The words sounded strange to him, foreign.

"I LOVE IZAYA!" Shizuo screamed out into the darkness, his voice echoing back at him.

Why had it taken him so long to come to terms with this?

Shizuo smiled, despite the tears still running down his face. He got up on shaky legs and walked to his bedroom. He flung himself down on the bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes. His wet clothes soaked into the mattress and sheets below him. Like this, he fell asleep.

Shizuo awoke to the sound of someone banging on his door. He groaned and looked at his alarm clock, 1 p.m. He hadn't even called Tom to let him know he wasn't going to be in for work today, not that the man probably hadn't already guessed. Shizuo looked at his phone, only to find hundreds of messages from both Celty and Shinra.

The memories of last night returned to him, as he read through a few of the messages.

_Shizuo, we really have to talk – Celty_

_Shizuo! I need to see you immediately! – Shinra_

He closed his phone and deleted each one of the messages, not even bothering to read through the rest. Shizuo had completely forgotten about the person at his door until he heard banging again.

"Shizuo! Open up!"

He could tell by the voice that it was Shinra, whom Shizuo really wasn't interested in seeing right now. He just couldn't deal with what he had done at the moment. He already had enough trouble dealing with his feelings towards Izaya, but this was too much.

Suddenly he heard the sound of his door unlocking.

"Thanks Celty!"

Shizuo panicked, he hadn't really counted on Celty being with Shinra but then again, how else could he get here? He quickly dashed to his bedroom door and slammed it shut.

"Over there!"

He heard the sound of hurried footsteps approaching his door. Shizuo put all of his weight on the door as Shinra turned the doorknob and tried to get in.

"Shizuo! Let us in!"

He saw black smoke coming out of the doorknob on his end of the door, so that's how she got in…

"Celty, obviously the door isn't locked! See I can turn the doorknob, Shizuo's just leaning against it!"

Shizuo heard Celty's fingers type furiously on her PDA.

"Hmmm, I dunno…"

"D-don't know what"

Shizuo was quite curious about the sudden silence that came from them both, seeming Shinra usually had a hard time keeping his mouth shut.

"I don't know if you're ready to hear about Izaya's condition"

Shizuo felt his body stiffen as he heard Izaya's name. What Shinra said was true, he knew he wasn't ready to be faced with the reality of what he had done, but he had to find out sooner or later.

"Just tell me!"

"Not unless you let us in"

On the other side of the door, Shinra heard the sounds of shuffling as Shizuo moved himself away from the door. He gave Celty a quick grin, surprised her plan actually worked. He cautiously opened the door, not knowing how Shizuo would react.

"S-Shizuo?"

Celty was surprised at the fear in Shinra's voice, was he scared of Shizuo now because he had seen what he could do?

"Just tell me Shinra!"

Shinra jumped as Shizuo yelled at him, not moving forward from the doorway incase he had to make a quick escape. He didn't want to end up like Izaya.

"W-well," Shinra started "Ummm, he's going to live!"

Shizuo rolled his eyes, he knew that much already. It wasn't like he had severed any major arteries or anything.

"Tell me something I don't know…"

"O-okay, well his knee-cap is shattered, I had to perform surgery on it. He will probably require a bit of physiotherapy in order to walk again. That should probably take a few months to heal completely…"

Guilt racked through Shizuo's body as he bit his lower lip. He lowered his head down, not really being able to look anyone in the eye. He didn't want them to see the pain sprawled across his face. He couldn't let anyone know how he felt about this, about Izaya.

"Is that it?"

"W-well there is one other thing…" Shinra added, his tone darkening quite a bit.

"What?"

"Ummm, I couldn't help but notice you had strangled him, and judging by the bruises on his neck it was quite a savage attack"

Shizuo cringed feeling ashamed, he didn't want people to see this side of him. A side that was truly monstrous.

"When you strangled him, you caused a lot of damage to the larynx"

A what?

"What the fuck is a larynx Shinra" Shizuo said, getting annoyed at the doctors presence. He just wanted everyone to leave, now.

"In non-medical terms, it's the voice box…"

Shizuo's head shot-up

"His voice box?"

"Yeh, it's umm, quite damaged"

Shizuo noticed Celty starting to fidget in the corner, she appeared to be nervous about something.

"Look Shizuo," Shinra sighed, rubbing his forehead "I don't think Izaya will be able to talk again…"

Shizuo snapped, he picked Shinra up by his coat and slammed him against the wall.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT GOING TO TALK AGAIN!"

"S-Shizuo!" Shinra was panicking "T-there's nothing I can do!"

Celty was waving her arms in front of Shizuo, trying to get him to calm down. Seeing her, he came to his senses and let Shinra go. He fell to the ground with a thump and quickly scrambled away.

Shizuo punched the wall, causing the other two to jump. Shinra was practically sheltering behind Celty, waiting for objects to start flying around. But instead, Shizuo flung himself back down on his bed. Celty sat down next to him and typed into her PDA.

"Shizuo, I know you and Izaya had your, "She paused, "differences but don't you think you went a bit too far? I mean, Izaya is in a pretty bad shape"

Not wanting to read anymore, Shizuo turned his back on her. Shinra, gaining courage, came and sat down next to her.

"Shizuo, isn't this what you have always wanted? However, if you were going to kill him, you should have just finished the job"

Shizuo sat up

"You think I wanted to kill him! What do you think I am, a complete monster!"

"Well… its kind of hard not to" Shinra added quietly

Shizuo's eyes widened, he had always thought Izaya only thought of him as a monster because he didn't quite fit in with his 'precious humans'. But, hearing the words from Shinra's mouth hit Shizuo quite hard.

"I-I see"

He quickly got up and grabbed both Shinra and Celty by the arm, yanking them out towards the front door. He quickly pushed the both out and slammed the door to his apartment closed.

Shinra tried knocking a couple of times but, Celty put her hand on his shoulder and told him to stop. Shizuo heard their steps as they walked away, leaving him on his own once more. He sighed and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. He inhaled deeply, loving the calming affect it had on him.

Shizuo sat down on the couch and put his feet up, only to realize he still had his shoes on. In fact, he hadn't even changed his clothes yet. He looked down at the red patch still evident on his shirt and placed a hand over it, feeling as though it was the only connection he still had left to Izaya.

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><p>AN

_Wow, I don't know whether to be impressed or ashamed of the fact I managed to write two chapters during my exam week. _

_I hope this story isn't coming across as some bad daytime drama…_

_I'm sorry if they are getting a bit OOC, I tend to get carried away~_

_Thanks for reading and I love every review you leave._


	5. Chapter 5

_I don't own Durarara! Or any of the characters that may appear here~_

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><p><em>Shizuo felt the cold stones hit his back as Izaya cornered him against the wall. Glazed over crimson eyes stared accusingly into his own. Izaya's mouth worded something Shizuo couldn't quite work out.<em>

'_Mon…ster…'_

_Shizuo's eyes widened_

'_Mon…ster…'_

_Izaya's lips kept on repeating the same words, over and over and over._

"_Monster"_

_The words were clearer now. _

_Shizuo looked over Izaya's shoulder to see Shinra standing there repeating the same thing. _

"_N-no Shinra! Its not-"_

_People started to file out of all the openings in the alleyway, chanting those same words._

"_N-no! I didn't mean to!"_

_Shizuo crouched down and covered his ears, the mob just stared blankly at him repeating the word 'monster'. Shizuo jumped as Izaya shoved his face in towards his, his soundless words ringing the loudest in Shizuo's ears._

"_I-Izaya, please I really didn't mean to!"_

_Izaya's emotionless face soon turned fierce, anger sprawled across his features. He wrapped his hands around Shizuo's throat and started to strangle him. Shizuo fought desperately, trying to free himself of Izaya's grip, but for the first time in Shizuo's life he was powerless. His vision slowly started to go black as he felt his life being drained. The last thing he saw was Izaya's angry crimson eyes…_

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><p>Shizuo flew upwards as his vivid nightmare came to an end. He sat there panting, a hand resting over his heart as sweat ran down his face and back. He turned to look at the time, 8 a.m., at least he was sleeping through the night now… Shizuo cringed as he realized how childish he sounded, he wasn't some stupid baby or anything.<p>

It had been exactly seven weeks since Celty and Shinra's visit. They had been back a few more times but, Shizuo just hadn't let them into the apartment. He didn't feel like socializing with anyone, he hated to admit it but he was terrified. He didn't trust himself to be among people anymore, he snapped so easily that night with Izaya, he definitely did not want to repeat those actions again.

Shizuo had tried working a few times but, every time he came into contact with a client he hesitated. Tom had sensed something was up and gave him a few weeks off to 're-organize his thoughts'. Shizuo missed the money, the cost of his cigarette addiction was finally starting to catch up with him. Speaking of which, he needed to buy more.

Shizuo groaned as he pulled himself out of the bed, his head was pounding. The empty bottle of alcohol was a good clue as to why. The debt collector stared at his reflection in the mirror. His bloodshot eyes stared back at him, dark circles stood out against his skin from the lack of sleep. His hair stuck out in every direction, his shirt felt damp from sweating during his nightmare.

That nightmare.

Shizuo shuddered as the memories returned, he had been having that same nightmare almost constantly since Shinra's visit. He found it hard to get to sleep unless he got himself blind drunk before he went to bed. Not something he was proud of but, he wasn't entirely unhappy either. At least it gave him a few hours where he could forget his troubles, forget Izaya even just for a little while…

Shizuo felt guilt stab at his chest as the informant came into his mind. It had been seven weeks, so Izaya's knee must be fully healed by now. He would probably be learning how to walk again soon. However, he would never be able to hear that voice call out his name again. He would never hear that playful tone that called out that annoying nickname ever again.

Shizuo pushed those thoughts out of his mind as he stripped off his pajamas and turned on the water for the shower. He let the lukewarm water wash over his tired body as he lent his head against the tiles. He sighed deeply, enjoying the feeling of the water which he knew had to end all to soon.

After four minutes, Shizuo turned off the water, got out and dried himself. He grabbed a bartenders suit out of the wardrobe and got dressed. The thought that he had to go outside today made the blonde feel a little nervous. What if he saw someone he knew?

Shizuo locked the door to his apartment, reluctantly stepping out into the streets of Ikebukuro. He pushed his sunglasses up higher on his face hoping to try and hide the awful state his eyes were in.

Shizuo started to walk down the familiar street to the corner store to buy a packet of cigarettes. Everything was so much loader than usual today, it made his head ache more and more. Suddenly, Shizuo heard the sound of familiar voices. He quickly ducked down a side street and held his breath. He could feel fear and adrenaline course throughout his whole body as the thought of being seen entered his mind.

Four people walked through the busy streets. The two at the front rambled on about the latest adventure in some manga they were reading, while the two at the back remained silent just simply enjoying the nice day. As they walked past the side street, Shizuo quickly ducked down behind a rubbish bin and tried to make himself as small as possible.

The sudden movement caught the attention of Kadota as they walked passed, making him stop and look.

"Something wrong Kadota?" Togusa asked as he looked down the alley way

"No," Kadota replied, "I guess it was just my imagination…"

"Ah, okay then"

The two looked up to see the others had continued to walk ahead without them and ran to catch up. Shizuo peeked his head out from behind the rubbish bin and sighed in relief as he saw the other two were gone. His body was craving for a hit of nicotine but, he knew it was too dangerous to walk down the main street.

Making up his mind to go in a different direction, Shizuo walked down a few different alleyways until he found himself in a completely different part of the city. The surroundings were similar to him but, different at the same time almost as if he had been here a long time ago. He looked across the street to find a shop and ran over to it.

Shizuo made sure he had enough cigarettes to last him for while and bought five packets. As he stepped out of the shop, shopping bag full of cigarettes, he saw why the area was so familiar.

In front of him stood Raijin, no, Raira Academy. Shizuo laughed to himself as he looked up at the old building, memories of his own school days filled his head. He was surprised they had managed to fix all the damage to the building he and Izaya had caused during their time there.

Shizuo stood there and looked at his old school while he smoked a cigarette. He noticed a boy with black hair and blue eyes staring at him from outside the window. Shizuo panicked as the boy's emotionless eyes stared straight through him, he couldn't help but be reminded of his nightmare. He quickly put out his cigarette and walked away, not liking the way the boy looked at him.

Shizuo's pace quickened until he found himself running back to his apartment. He fumbled with the lock for a while before just ripping the door off its hinges, something which he regretted immediately. He threw the shopping bag on the table and opened the fridge to look for something cold to drink, milk.

Shizuo quickly emptied the bottle of milk and threw it against the wall with a scream, glass shattered everywhere. He heard something on the other side of the wall come crashing to the ground. Shizuo groaned and cursed his luck as he walked into the bedroom to find the contents of his wardrobe sprawled across the floor. He bent down and started to pick everything up when something right up the back of his wardrobe caught his eye.

Curiosity filled Shizuo as he reached out for the red metal box covered in dust. He dragged it out and wiped the dust off of it, he remembered what it was instantly…

* * *

><p><em>"Hey Shizu-chan, smoking is bad for you're health you know~"<em>

_Shizuo turned around to see the stupid flea standing behind him. He put out his cigarette and grabbed Izaya's collar._

"_If you tell any of the teachers I'll kill you, got it?"_

"_Honestly Shizu-chan~ you think I'm the type of person who likes to see others in trouble~" _

_Izaya's smirk remained on his face despite the fact he was slowly being lifted off the ground by a very pissed off Shizuo._

"_Tell you what, I won't tell on you if you take this off my hands~"_

_Izaya proceeded to hold up a red lunch box._

"_You want me to take you're lunch off of you?" Shizuo asked as he dropped Izaya back to the ground._

"_Ha! If you could call it that!" Izaya scoffed, "My sisters thought it would be a good idea to replace all of my lunch with stupid boiled candies!"_

_He opened up the box to reveal at least fifty pieces of candy with a note on top._

'_Iza-nii, these taste better than stupid ootoro sushi'_

_Shizuo laughed at the pained expression on Izaya's face as he read the note._

"_You bring ootoro sushi for lunch!"_

_Izaya pouted_

"_Yes…"_

"_Anyway Shizu-chan, I'm going to leave these in your hands okay?"_

_Izaya placed the box down on the ground and started to walk away._

"_Thanks… Izaya, I really like sweet foods you know…"_

_He stopped, did Shizuo actually say something nice to him? Izaya could feel his face turning red as he ran down the stairs back to the classroom._

* * *

><p>Shizuo smiled at the fond memory, he opened and emptied the contents on the ground half hoping to find one candy he missed back then. A white piece of paper fell out of the box, the note Izaya's sisters had left him.<p>

Shizuo unfolded the paper and read the note, and then read it again and again. There was something very wrong with this note, something off about it. The handwriting was way to neat to belong to the twins. Shizuo had seen their writing many times since they always sent his brother letters, some of which were quite disturbing…

Something clicked in Shizuo's mind. If the twins didn't write this note then…

Shizuo ran out of his apartment, holding the note tight in his hand. He had to see Izaya.

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note:<em>

_This chapter is so long~ (well in terms of what I write anyway)_

_I probably could have split it into two chapters but, I'm lazy like that~_

_I hope this chapter is up to standards, I had some emotional things going on this week and I found this chapter really hard to write._

_Anyway next chapter is the last one_

_Thanks for reading and all the reviews, alerts and favourites~_

_Reviews make me happier than cigarettes do Shizuo~_


	6. Chapter 6

_I don't own Durarara! Or any of the characters that may appear here~_

* * *

><p>Shizuo ran as fast as he could towards the doctor's apartment, the note clenched tightly in his hand making sure it wouldn't get blown away. A parcel that he had found hidden under the box in his apartment was tucked in his pocket, the contents rattled around. He turned the corner and was confronted with the huge building which he had been trying to desperately keep away from.<p>

Shizuo ran up the many flights of stairs until he came face to face with the door to the apartment. He froze, all the guilt, fear and regret he had forgotten about came rushing back to him. What was he going to do once he got in there? More importantly what was Izaya going to do?

Shizuo decided it was time to stop listening to his head, the same one that told him the way he felt about Izaya was disgusting. The same one that told him the only way to get over him was to hate him. The exact same one that told him he was a monster. If Shizuo loved Izaya, he was going to make sure that stupid idiot knew it.

His fist came pounding down on the door.

"Shinra! Open this fucking door now!"

The door swung open slowly, revealing a smiling Shinra.

"I knew you would come eventually Shizuo"

"Just tell me where he is!"

"Ugh," Shinra started, "He is in my room, you know I had to give up my room for him! Celty won't even let me sleep in her bed!"

Shizuo pushed Shinra out of the way as he made his way into the house. Celty snapped around as she heard the sound of heavy footsteps nearing her.

"Shizuo! Your shoes! This is our house you know~!" Shinra wailed

Shizuo clearly ignored all of Shinra's complaining as he opened the door to Shinra's room and slammed it shut behind him. Shinra looked at Celty and smiled.

"Took him long enough huh?"

* * *

><p>Shizuo stood frozen as he saw Izaya sitting in the bed. His usual black attire was replaced with white, it looked strange seeing him in such light colours. His head snapped up from the book he was reading as he heard the noise. Izaya's trademark grin came across his face as he looked at Shizuo, his black hair shone in the moonlight behind him. He patted the space on the bed next to him, motioning for Shizuo to sit down.<p>

Shizuo cautiously walked across the room, all emotions forgotten as he saw Izaya. He carefully sat down on the bed, trying to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt Izaya more. Izaya lent over and grabbed a notepad and a pen.

_'What's up?'_

Shizuo frowned at such a casual question, he had expected something different. Something more along the lines of 'get out of my room'.

"Is that what you really want to say?"

Izaya pretended to think for a second before he scribbled more on the paper.

_'Yes, I want you to tell me what's up'_

"Well… Not much I guess"

_'Shizu-chan is you're brain truly that small! There are lots of things up! The moon, the sky, the stars'_

Shizuo did not like where this conversation was going, it had gone much differently in his head.

Izaya could tell he was getting on Shizuo's nerves, he wondered if Shizuo even noticed that he was screwing his face up. If he could, he would have laughed.

_'By the way Shizu-chan, what type of idiot wears sunglasses at nighttime! And are you wearing shoes, how disgusting'_

Shizuo's hands flew up to his face as he realized he was still wearing his sunglasses. He took them off and placed them on the table. He kicked his shoes off and pulled his legs up onto the bed, crossing them

They both sat there in silence for a while, Shizuo closed his eyes and tried to think of how to begin what he had came here to say. He felt something cold on his face and opened his eyes to see Izaya touching the dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. Shizuo jumped and flew back, Izaya instantly retracted his hand and grinned again.

_'Having trouble sleeping Shizu-chan?'_

Shizuo grinned this time.

"I was until I found this"

He shoved the note into Izaya's hands and lent back against the bed frame. Izaya unfolded the note, Shizuo quickly noted how Izaya's eyes momentarily widened as he read the note before regaining his composure.

_'You kept a note my sisters wrote to me years ago? That's a little stalker like Shizu-chan"_

"It would be if it came from your sisters though wouldn't it? If you ask me I think its weird that you wrote a note to yourself from your sisters"

Izaya frowned, Shizuo was starting to gain control of this situation, he didn't like it. He quickly turned the light off on the bedside table, trying to hide the fact he was actually blushing.

Shizuo smiled at the sudden darkness, fully aware of the reason why.

"What's wrong Izaya, I can't see you properly now, nor can I read your notes"

Izaya cursed inwardly, Shizuo had a point. He reluctantly turned the light back on and lay down, pulling the covers up over his face.

_'I'm tired now Shizu-chan, you will have to come back another time'_

Shizuo chuckled, like hell he was leaving now.

"But Izaya, I bought you a present"

He pulled out the old box and rattled it next to Izaya's covered ear. Izaya had to admit he was curious as to what this un-evolved creature would bring him. He pulled himself up again, hoping his cheeks had returned to their natural colour and took the box. It was covered in dust.

_'Geez Shizu-chan, how old is this thing! It looks almost 100 years old!'_

"To be honest I bought it for you as a thank-you present for all the candy you gave me that day"

If Izaya's cheeks were normal before, they definitely weren't now…

He undid the ribbon on the box and opened it.

_'Are you serious?'_

Izaya pulled out a brand new flickblade, much like the one he used to have in high school.

"Remember how I snapped you're old one in half? I guess I bought you this one to make up for it."

Shizuo watched as Izaya flicked the blade in and out a few times before he put it on the bedside table next to him.

_'You know giving someone a knife as a get-well present could be taken in a different way Shizu-chan'_

"Izaya don't you remember anything I tell you" Shizuo sighed, "I'm giving you the knife to say thank-you for the candy. This is you're get well present"

Izaya's eyes widened as he felt Shizuo's lips press up against his, he heard his pen and paper clatter to the ground as they fell off the bed. The kiss seemed almost too gentle to come from this monster, yet it did. It was much too short for Izaya's liking and he found himself craving more as Shizuo pulled away.

Izaya's expression was one of pure shock as Shizuo pulled away. He had to stop himself from laughing as he noticed how red Izaya was. He lent forward again.

Izaya jumped as he felt Shizuo's cold cheek press up against his own, how was he so calm and collected!

"Izaya, you're face is so warm, it feels nice…"

Izaya could have sworn he couldn't get any redder than he was at this very moment. His heart was beating erratically and he was pretty sure he was shaking. He felt Shizuo entwine his fingers with his as he gently pressed his lips up against Izaya's again.

Shizuo lay Izaya back down on the bed, not letting their lips part once. He moved himself so he was leaning over Izaya. It took so much self-control to stop himself from just shoving his tongue down Izaya's throat. He smiled into the kiss as he felt the informant lace his fingers through his hair and pull down, obviously wanting more contact then he was getting.

Izaya gasped as he felt Shizuo's tongue lick gently at his bottom lip, asking for entrance. Shizuo claimed his mouth as he opened his lips, dominating the kiss much to the annoyance of Izaya. The need for air became stronger and stronger forcing the two to part, panting.

Shizuo didn't give Izaya much time to recover before he dragged his tongue up his jaw. He felt Izaya's whole body shiver as he planted kisses down the mans throat, noticing the bruises had all healed. He bit down lightly on Izaya's collarbone and a moan escaped the man under him.

Wait, what?

Izaya's hand flew up to his mouth as he realized his mistake, Shizuo stared at him, dumbfounded. Did Izaya just make a noise or was he simply hearing things?

"Oh shit…" Izaya mumbled as he hit himself on the forehead, "And things were going so well too…"

"D-did you just speak?"

Izaya looked up to see Shizuo staring at him, he couldn't quite work out what emotion was on the blonde's face, pain maybe? He actually felt a little bit guilty…

"Haha, looks like you found me out Shizu-chan~"

Shizuo just kept on staring at the informant, it was making him feel a little uncomfortable.

"Ummm, Shizu-"

"Why, why would you do that Izaya?"

Izaya looked down for a second, before looking back up with a crazed grin on his face.

"Well you see Shizu-chan, I was testing a theory"

"A theory?"

"Yeh, do you remember that night in the alleyway?"

Shizuo cringed as he realized what night Izaya was talking about.

"Yes"

"When I woke up here in Shinra's house, I was pretty angry at what you had done, but then I remembered something"

"W-what?"

Izaya's grin got wider as he heard the guilt and pain in Shizuo's voice.

"Do you remember what you whispered in my ear that night? When you were checking out my wound?"

Shizuo felt his face get hot, he could have sworn Izaya was completely unconscious.

"No…" Shizuo lied

"Haha, you're a bad liar Shizu-chan~ but I'll refresh you're memory anyway. You said 'maybe things would've been different if I had told you how I felt back in high school'"

Izaya started to laugh

"How deep~" he teased

It was Shizuo's turn to go red this time.

"Anyway," Izaya continued, liking the fact he was gaining the upper-hand again, "I decided to test how much you really meant that. I must admit, when Shinra told me about how you had been acting, I thought maybe you were thinking about committing suicide~"

Shizuo felt anger surge through his body

"Is that what you wanted Izaya? For me to kill myself?"

Shizuo was surprised as he saw Izaya's face go blank, he lowered his head.

"No…"

The words were barely audible, but Shizuo heard them nonetheless. All his anger melted away as he felt Izaya wrap his arms around his waist.

Izaya listened to Shizuo's heartbeat quicken as he leaned his head against the debt collectors chest. Everything was so calm in the room.

Shizuo heard Izaya let out a whimper as he quickly pinned him back down to the bed. He positioned himself so the he was straddling the man under him.

"Well the if that's the case," Shizuo said, a manic grin on his face, "I have to get my revenge don't I?"

Izaya gulped, he didn't like the crazy look in Shizuo's eyes, his own terrified ones reflected in his.

Shizuo slammed his lips down onto Izaya's once again, all previous gentleness long forgotten. Izaya bit down hard on Shizuo's bottom lip, and Shizuo returned the favor. They both tasted each other's blood as their tongues clashed, both fighting for dominance. Shizuo easily won the battle and bit down lightly on Izaya's tongue to teach him a lesson.

Both parted, panting, a thin thread of saliva still connecting them as lust filled eyes gazed deeply into each other.

"By the way Shizu-chan," Izaya panted as Shizuo sucked and licked down his neck once again, leaving marks this time, "You owe me a lot of money"

Shizuo groaned inwardly, did this man ever know when to shut-up?

"What for" he snapped back, trying to get the man to hurry up with his answer.

"For all the bills Shinra charged me, plus all the physiotherapy I have to go to"

"Well, you owe me compensation for all the emotional pain you put me through"

"What about my physical pain!"

Shizuo bit down on Izaya's shoulder, warning him it was time to shut his mouth. Izaya moaned as he felt Shizuo's tongue lick at the wound he had just created.

"Shizu-chan~," He complained, "If you leave such obvious marks on my body, Shinra is going to know what we're doing~"

"Good, then he will know you're mine"

Izaya felt his heart skip a beat as Shizuo said those words. He noticed that Shizuo was starting to remove his shirt, hands explored his chest.

Shizuo couldn't get enough of the creamy skin, he dipped his head down licked up Izaya's stomach to his chest.

Izaya eyes clenched shut and he let out a hiss as Shizuo sucked on the sensitive pink nub on his chest, his other hand playing with the other. He felt Shizuo's mouth move onto the other one and his free hand worked to undo the button and zip on his pants.

Shizuo slightly pulled down Izaya's pants on one side to reveal a pale hip. He bit down lightly on it, loving the sound Izaya made as he did so.

"S-Shizu-chan"

He bit down again, harder this time leaving yet another mark on Izaya's body.

"N-no, Shizu-chan you have to listen to me"

Shizuo looked up at Izaya's face, mesmerized by the way his chest heaved up and down.

"We can't do this, not yet anyway…"

"Why not?" Shizuo hissed becoming annoyed, he knew they both needed this.

"Because Shizu-chan! Are you forgetting something~!"

"No" Shizuo said as he licked up Izaya's waist

Izaya's whole body shuddered, but he had to control himself.

"Shizu-chan~! My knee~"

Shizuo snapped out of lust filled trance as he remembered Izaya's other serious injury.

"Oh, but its been seven weeks, shouldn't it be healed by now?"

Izaya sighed, Shizuo truly was stupid sometimes.

"Yes but, its still very weak" He explained, "I don't think it could handle what you have in mind just yet."

Shizuo let out a frustrated sigh and lent back against the bed frame once again. He saw Izaya put his shirt back on and do-up his pants. They both sat there in silence, a little embarrassed at their actions. Shizuo finally pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

"Shizu-chan, this is a hospital you know~"

"No its not, it's a house technically"

Izaya pouted

"Fine, but you still shouldn't smoke anyway"

"Ugh, I'm starting to miss you not being able to talk"

"You're mean Shizu-chan~"

Shizuo laughed at Izaya's comment, and Izaya soon joined him. Shizuo sighed and pulled himself off the bed.

"What are you doing?" Izaya questioned

"What do you think I'm doing, I'm going home. It's late"

Izaya looked at the clock, 12 am.

"Oh, okay then…"

Shizuo smiled at the disappointment in Izaya's voice and lent forward to kiss him on the forehead.

"I'll be back tomorrow"

"I hate you Shizu-chan"

"That's a shame because I love you Izaya"

Izaya's eyes widened as those words left Shizuo's lips, he always had to have the upper-hand didn't he? He smiled as Shizuo gently clicked the door shut on his way out.

* * *

><p>Shizuo walked back out into the loungeroom to find two forms hunched over something on the table.<p>

"Shinra? Celty? What are you two doing?"

Both jumped as they heard Shizuo's voice behind them. Shinra slowly turned around, he looked very pale.

"Uhh Shinra, are you feeling okay?"

"D-did you guys just do that on my bed?"

Shizuo panicked, how the hell did Shinra know! Izaya wasn't being that loud was he? He looked through the gap Shinra had made to see a laptop, Shizuo froze.

Crap.

Celty ran over and grabbed onto Shizuo's shoulders as she noticed the look of pure rage on his face, trying to hold him back from punching Shinra into orbit.

_'You have to understand Shizuo! We only watched because we were worried about what you were going to do to Izaya!'_

"You could have told me you had cameras installed in the room!"

"S-sorry" Shinra stuttered, obviously still disturbed at what he had seen performed on his bed. A sheepish smile suddenly made it's way across his face.

"You know what Shizuo," Shinra said in an evil tone, "how about you let me perform some tests on you"

Shizuo's rage was growing.

"How about no!" he growled

"Ohh but what if this was to get out onto the Internet~"

Shizuo froze as he noticed Shinra's hand dangling just above the post button. He was about to go over there and invert Shinra's face when he heard something whiz past his ear.

Shinra yelped as a knife flew into the computer in front of him, a little to close to his fingers for his liking. The screen went blank as the laptop shutdown permanently.

"Nooo~" Shinra cried, his only blackmail tactic lost forever.

All three turned around to see Izaya leaning against the doorframe to his room, crutches under his arms. A massive grin decorated his features as he moved himself to where Shizuo and Celty were standing.

"That knife is pretty nice you know Shizu-chan, It's light. Good for throwing"

Shizuo smiled back at him.

"Glad you like it"

Shinra ran over to Celty and wrapped his arms around her waist, crying into her shoulder. Celty laughed inwardly.

"Izaya just tried to kill me! And you're laughing! Celty~"

_'Did you really think you would get away with blackmailing them?'_

"Yes~" Shinra wailed

Celty sighed, she pinched Shinra's ear and dragged him into the other room.

"Shinra is in for it now~" Izaya laughed

"Is he?"

"Yeh, I've been here for the last seven weeks, and whenever she does that, he comes out worse than when he went in"

Shizuo couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey, Shizu-chan?"

He looked down as he felt Izaya tugging on his sleeve. Shizuo noticed his cheeks had turned a deep shade of red.

"What?"

"Umm, do you want to sleep with me?"

Shizuo's mouth opened a little in shock at the question.

"Well yes, but you said we couldn't…"

Izaya's eyes narrowed.

"Not that kind of sleeping you idiot! is that all you can think of! I meant do you want to stay the night with me, or whats left of it anyway."

"Oh, Okay" Shizuo replied, a little embarrassed at what his mind had jumped to.

He started to walk back to the room only to hear Izaya curse behind him as something came crashing down to the ground. He turned around to see Izaya sprawled across the floor, his crutch having fallen out from under him. Shizuo sighed as he walked over and picked Izaya up in his arms, flinging him over one shoulder.

"Ugh, you really are a caveman" Izaya said, he could feel the blood rush to his head.

Shizuo merely laughed as he kicked the door closed behind them.

* * *

><p><em>AN:_

_It's finally completed!_

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited, added this story to their alerts, or just simply read it._

_Like I mentioned earlier, this really and truly is the first fanfiction I have ever written. So if any of you have tips or constructive criticism, I'd be happy to read any suggestions you have for me~!_

_I think Izaya and Shizuo just kept on getting more and more out of character as the story went along, so I'm sorry about that._

_Wow, things got way more heated between Izaya and Shizuo then I originally wanted. Ah well, I hope that's still okay~_

_Reviews make this author very very happy, so special thanks to everyone who reviewed._

_Thanks for reading and reviews are loved~_


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